A Letter to People Who Judge Other People's Food

Hello,

We have met multiple times but allowing me to introduce myself to you. I am that person whose food you just looked at and then you said "eeww" out loud in response to it.

First of all, don't do that- it is so rude.
Second of all, I saw you eat pickles straight out of a jar and then drink the juice- that was incredibly gross but I said nothing- because I"m not rude.
And third of all, this is my food. Not your food. In fact, I did not offer to share my food with you, I did not make a gesture or motion that would make you think you should partake in this meal with meal. No, you are not a part of this meal experience but somehow, someway, a trigger in your brain went off that said- "Oh. My. God. Say something. That food looks gross."

So now, I think you know what has to happen. Yeah, I'm going to have to follow you around. And say stuff about the food you are going to eat. And guess what? I'm a picky eater.

Going out to a bar and order a martini with stuffed olives? "Eeew." That is what I will say to that.
Going to order steak at a restaurant? "Oh my god. That is gross. It looks like it is still bleeding." I will comment.
Going to have guacamole with your chips? "Guac is so gross. The texture is so unappealing. Do you like it?" I am going to ask you like I don't already know the question.
Putting blue cheese on your salad? "Oh wow," I will say loudly, "that cheese has actual mold on it. You are going to eat actual mold." I am going to comment like I had no idea it was inappropriate to say.

These are only FOUR examples. I have more, but I want you to be surprised when it comes. I want you to hear my words and think to yourself Wow that was so rude, who comments on other people's food? And then I want you to carry that confusion with you for approximately the rest of your life in which you will no longer weigh in on meals you are not going to eat.

Are you going to be sharing a meal with someone? Sure, tell them that you think curry looks like throw up or that raw fish has a disgusting texture or that coleslaw is lettuce covered in fat dressing. Not going to have any? Tell them you would like to try curry one day, you are intrigued by sushi, and you are so happy that coleslaw has withstood the test of time and is still the quintessential BBQ side dish.

Just remember, wherever you are, telling people that their food is gross- I will be right next to you- comment on whatever tasty treat you have decided to eat.

Love Always,
That person who you made a face at when her entree came at dinner the other night (yeah, I saw you)