Telling food stories to chefs

There aren't a whole lot of negatives to being the wife of a chef. Well, actually, that is not true. They are not home a whole lot which is sad and negative. But, if you look past that- there aren't many negatives. I would have to say that after that whole not being home thing my least favorite thing about being married to a chef is having to tell him stories where food is involved. For example, I wanted to tell him a ridiculous catering experience story that had just happened to me and here is how it went…

To set the stage- I come through the garage door, slam my stuff down, don’t change immediately (a sign in our house that something is amiss), and say, “Oh. My. God. You. Will. Never. Believe. What. Just. Happened.”
(He presses pause on the remote and my dogs run into their room in case I am mad at them for destroying something.)

Me: Okay, so you know that really big event that we had today? Well you’re never going to believe what happened with the caterer!

Him: What caterer is this?

(I explain who I am talking about)

Him: Okay, so what happened?

Me: So, he shows up 45 minutes late and then had to still prep his food.

Him: What did he have to prep?

Me: Some salad and chicken and fish and stuff. Not the point. So-

Him: What kind of salad?

Me: Spinach, I think. So, I start-

Him: Spinach salad with what? What did he have to prep?

Me: Like cranberries and nuts and mushrooms and stuff. I don't know it doesn't really matter because way worse stuff happened that will blow your mind. 

Him: So he needed to sprinkle some nuts and fruit on the salad that isn’t that big of a deal.

Me: No, it's not- just listen. So he starts pulling all of this stuff out and he notices he forgot his chafing dishes.

Him: Did he need chafing dishes?

Me: Obviously, if he didn’t need them how would he have noticed he forgot them? Okay, so he asks me to borrow mine and I say yes but I don’t have any Sternos for him.

Him: Why does he need Sternos? For the chicken or the fish? What kind of chicken was it? It wasn’t for the salad? What kind of fish? Was it already cooked? He should’ve turned the Sternos on a long time ago. They aren't going to do anything at this point.

Me: So he forgot a lot of stuff and the food was bad and people weren’t pleased and I was and still am annoyed. (I am now pouting on the couch because I prepared this whopper of a story on my drive home and I don't want to answer any questions, I just want to tell my story so at the end he can say, "What?! That is ridiculous!")

Him: (Oblivious to me pouting, or has decided not to care, probably the latter.) Why was the food bad?

Me: I’m not telling you. Telling you a story with food in it is impossible. 

Him: What do you want for dinner?

Me: Something delicious.

Him: (long sigh because that obviously is not descriptive enough)